Blond Gym Guy

Wednesday Sept 22nd

Ralph is gone.

He quit my gym. He gave them some wierd reason, but i have a feeling he wasnt getting the sex he wanted at the gym. At my gym there is no sex. Sorry this isnt the gay village. That's not to say that he didnt work out. He did. I just got the feeling he wanted more.

Sunday Sept 19

Tiger Woods Dear Tiger,

Congrats on the divorce. I know you'll miss the image of squeaky clean family man but this is for the best. You weren't cut out for it, and let's face it, you play better when you fuck any cheap blonde that moves.

I don't begrudge you your little flings on the gay side of life too, if what the reports say are true. Do what feels good behind closed doors.

You can still do some image buffing. Never have any of your flings meet you kids. No pictures of the new girl with them. Daddy is single and she is not the new step-mommy. Visit your kids often, but don't live near them in some golfing community.   

Never promise these girls anything! You are fucking Tiger Woods! If they won't fuck you, screw em.. Get a vasectomy. And wear a condom. No chick is worth an STD or a baby. You have kids, no more. Don't date fame whores if you can help it. No drugs. Enjoy the sex the old fashioned way. If the divorce didn't do the trick, get help for you sleeping problem.  Cut back on your spending. You never know when retirement will be forced upon you. Start wearing stuff other than Nike. You look like an old man off the course.  

Try your hand at golf commentating. Have fun on the course.  Don't be afraid of your flings becoming public. Be a good guy who was good in the sac but promised nothing. Don't give in to money requests. Any guy or girl who goes public on their own gets dumped. If you want companionship, find a few single buddies who are not famous. They'll keep you grounded and can pick up your seconds.  Entourage baby! Move to LA, be visable, be more than a golfer.  Take that damm hat off. Shave your head.  Beg to be on two and a half men. Play yourself being a player. Be funny, be honest.  Your role model is George Clooney, Charlie Sheen, John Mayer.    

Love,

The blond gym guy

Sat sept whatever 2010

Must do a good deed today, but it's ruining my relaxing day. Is it wrong to want to run in the opposite direction of white trash? Xoxo

Wednesday Sept 1st, 2010

I love my BF.

Monday August 30th, 2010

Today I am 40. I dont have my abs yet but they're closer. I am vowing to have shoulder length hair by the time I'm 41 with at least a 4 pk.

Sunday August 29th, 2010

Just for you..

Friday August 27th 2010

I am going to warn you all about victim mentality.

Victims use words like:

• I had no choice.
• How can you do this to me?
• You dont understand my situation.
• You're making me do _____.
• I'm trying! (When they actually do anything but.)

Don't ever try and help a victim. Nothing you ever do will be good enough. Victims dont say thank u. Victims use. Victims are best left alone, and not to be trifled with. Don't befreind a victim. They may seem nice on the surface but me, me, me wears on you. Victims like to cry, because it draws people to try and make them stop. Victims call themselves caring people but want to be cared for. Victims take the easy way out.

My BF and I said goodbye to the Victim on Friday night and then again on Tuesday night just to make sure it stuck. There were tears, ambulances, curses and a smidge of throwing personal property. Lots of garbage bags were involved as well as elbow grease. We erased the Victim from our house in the span of an hour. Lysol was used to mask her scent and anything that could go into the wash did. It took us 3 hours to get to bed that night but the lost sleep was worth it.

For the first time in 10 months, there was peace in our house.

Saturday August 21st

Friday August 20th A day that will live in infamy.

Today is a new day, with new blogs over there on your right that you could visit.

Tuesday Aug 17th, 2010

What kind of guy drives a Volvo?

Ralph does! For those new to the blog, Ralph is 6'3, salt and pepper beard and hair, fit and completely and hopelessly gay. His BF is bloated but not fat and wears those douchey V-neck t-shirts at the gym.

Ralph and his BF are the type of guys who go to Napa as a vacation. You never see Ralph and his BF together at the gym. Ralph could skip a day or two. His BF needs to come twice a day. I'd peg Ralph and his BF to be in thier mid-30's. It wouldnt surprise me if they have a cute little dog.

Ralph always has a good workout and I rarely see him cheat, so that puts him above 95% of those at the gym.

I am insanely jelous of Ralph's body and was wondering if mondern science can give me a body transplant. Tall guys piss me off in that they can eat badly, drink, roll into the gym and look good. Wait till he turns 40! Ralph also told me he works from home which is my dream and makes me even more jelous.

Thursday August 5th.

How can you be a Douchebag at the gym? Let me count the ways.

• Wear a fanny pack.
• Work out 15 minutes a day and look better than me.
• Throw the weights down on the ground.
• Rock back and forth doing bi's
• Have stick legs.
• Stare at me repeatedly.
• Blatently colour your hair jet black to cover the grey.
• Blow dry your crotch.
• Shave every stitch of hair off your front and leave your back like a rug.
• Use Polo.
• Have no job and think you are better than me because you are fit.
• Use roids. (I see you..you look good now but you were puffy and roided up 9 months ago. You cheat. You didnt look so good from just working out.)

This man is not a douche. The muscles, hair and tats all exclude any doucheyness you might notice.

 

Tuesday July 6th, 2010

How does the Queen do it? It's 37 frickin degrees outside and she is in a suit and a hat that looks like it must add another 5 degrees to her. She is no spring chicken. Your majesty, you must drink more water. But then where is the royal loo? There are a lot of things to consider when royalty has to take a pee or god forbid, a poo. The quality of the TP, the size of the washroom. Heaven forbid if there is some scratched writing on the door. How offensive! 

I won't use a public restroom if i can possible avoid it. Lots of germs and smells. Who needs it. I will use the work loo but only first thing in the morning when i can be asured of some degree of cleanliness. Maybe I'm a bit of a prince myself.

Saturday July 3rd,2010

I'm in Argentina for a few more hours. Here are my observations:

• The men and women are either pretty or pretty ugly. No in-between here, no sir.
• Even winter is nice.
• Soccer/Futbol is king here.
• Everyone is nice.
• Clothes and leather are cheep. (not that kind of leather)
• I could live here if we were paid in dollars and I picked up Spanish.

There have been no workouts and no guilt either.

Saturday June 19th, 2010- Eye Candy

Saturday June 12th, 2010- Eye candy

Saturday June 5th, 2010- Eye Candy

Saturday May 29th, 2010- Eye Candy

Saturday May 22nd, 2010- Eye Candy

Friday May 21st, 2010

God the gym is boring, besides my stalker, nothing interesting happens at my gym.

Pros of small gym life.

• Gym is rarely busy.
• Lots of old people who dont lift weights.
• Staff knows me and gives me freebies
• 5 minutes from my house by car.
• Gym doesnt try and steal my credit card

Cons of small gym:

• No eye candy/inspiration
• Medium to crappy change area.
• Equipment is oldish.
• Not a lot of classes.

PS- I think this will be a contender for my new tattoo.

Thursday May 20th, 2010

Work is officially crazy!

My life is offically busy.

The gym has gotten boring. No J, No A. The crazy guy that wears a weightlifting belt is nuts and wore a hawaian shirt today. So many fashion faux pas, not enough time to describe them.

My stalker/former stalker has good casual fashion sense though.

Saturday May 15th, 2010- Saturday Eye Candy

Nice...