Blond Gym Guy

Wednesday Sept 22nd

Ralph is gone.

He quit my gym. He gave them some wierd reason, but i have a feeling he wasnt getting the sex he wanted at the gym. At my gym there is no sex. Sorry this isnt the gay village. That's not to say that he didnt work out. He did. I just got the feeling he wanted more.

Tuesday Aug 17th, 2010

What kind of guy drives a Volvo?

Ralph does! For those new to the blog, Ralph is 6'3, salt and pepper beard and hair, fit and completely and hopelessly gay. His BF is bloated but not fat and wears those douchey V-neck t-shirts at the gym.

Ralph and his BF are the type of guys who go to Napa as a vacation. You never see Ralph and his BF together at the gym. Ralph could skip a day or two. His BF needs to come twice a day. I'd peg Ralph and his BF to be in thier mid-30's. It wouldnt surprise me if they have a cute little dog.

Ralph always has a good workout and I rarely see him cheat, so that puts him above 95% of those at the gym.

I am insanely jelous of Ralph's body and was wondering if mondern science can give me a body transplant. Tall guys piss me off in that they can eat badly, drink, roll into the gym and look good. Wait till he turns 40! Ralph also told me he works from home which is my dream and makes me even more jelous.

Thursday August 5th.

How can you be a Douchebag at the gym? Let me count the ways.

• Wear a fanny pack.
• Work out 15 minutes a day and look better than me.
• Throw the weights down on the ground.
• Rock back and forth doing bi's
• Have stick legs.
• Stare at me repeatedly.
• Blatently colour your hair jet black to cover the grey.
• Blow dry your crotch.
• Shave every stitch of hair off your front and leave your back like a rug.
• Use Polo.
• Have no job and think you are better than me because you are fit.
• Use roids. (I see you..you look good now but you were puffy and roided up 9 months ago. You cheat. You didnt look so good from just working out.)

This man is not a douche. The muscles, hair and tats all exclude any doucheyness you might notice.

 

Friday May 21st, 2010

God the gym is boring, besides my stalker, nothing interesting happens at my gym.

Pros of small gym life.

• Gym is rarely busy.
• Lots of old people who dont lift weights.
• Staff knows me and gives me freebies
• 5 minutes from my house by car.
• Gym doesnt try and steal my credit card

Cons of small gym:

• No eye candy/inspiration
• Medium to crappy change area.
• Equipment is oldish.
• Not a lot of classes.

PS- I think this will be a contender for my new tattoo.

Thursday May 20th, 2010

Work is officially crazy!

My life is offically busy.

The gym has gotten boring. No J, No A. The crazy guy that wears a weightlifting belt is nuts and wore a hawaian shirt today. So many fashion faux pas, not enough time to describe them.

My stalker/former stalker has good casual fashion sense though.

Tuesday May 4th, 2010

I seem to be on a roll at the gym these days. I'm lifting lots of weight. When I do cardio, I sweat. I feel a bit thiner around the spare tire area.

Ralph the stalker actually directed his voice in my direction today when an old guy asked me about my trainer. It seems he's having a hard time showing up. He can do wicked bicep curls anyways though.. 70lbs! I can only do 50. In my defense I am 5'9. He is 6'3 or so. He's taller than me at any rate.

I had in my mind a target of the end of may to sort out what I wanted done with my arm/shoulder tattoo. I have a million pictures with a million different ideas..more on that another day.

Wednesday April 28th, 2010

Life is all about P's. Patience, perspective and pride. The first two you must have in abudnace, the last one have as little as you can manage. When I focus on these things it all works out.

I try not to blog about work, but these 3 P's have gotten me noticed moreso than I ever thought possible.

At home, I try to focus more on my partner and be in the moment. Perspective.

At the gym I am patient but proud.. I didnt get fat overnight, and I wont get thin either.

Friday April 23rd, 2010

Hello out there. Hope the pictures of hot guys drew you here and I hope you stay for the self loathing and bordom that is my life.

My stalker has decided to only stalk me twice a week now, when I'm finishing up my training session with my trainer. I get the sense that he's married and/or has children. Do single guys drive Volvos? and really driving a volvo, even an SUV volvo lowers you in my eyes. Same goes for pick up trucks. In the burbs and you have an office job?

PS- My hair is starting to get this long. I look remarkably similar to this guy. Really similar..wierd.

Monday April 12th, 2010- Rise of the Blond Gym Guy

It’s a sad day at the gym for J has lost his job. He’s been made redundant. Can we note that if anyone works in manufacturing, they should find another job stat. That’s what India and China are for. One day it will change and come back to North America but not until oil is 200$ a barrel and we are all old men and women. J is now working out with his GF instead of 30 minutes before her. She’s a 9 if you fancy human beings who can give birth. It sucks even more for the pervy guy who waits for him in the mornings, stretching his sauna/shower/shave to a full 45 minutes. I don’t think he will change his schedule.

 

On other fronts at the gym, Ralph has stopped stalking me. He still weirds me out a bit, but I only see him once a week.

A has been at the gym only half as much as usual and I haven’t seen his GF in ages, though he was talking about her last week.

 

In other news I’ve found a great TV show that talks about diet and supllementation.

http://www.bodyfueltv.com/

Tuesday March 23rd, 2010

The gym is a funny place..

There are essentially three types of people, those trying to improve, those who actually do improve and those that just want to stop any more damage caused by themselves.

I hope I fall into those who actually do improve. A is one of those guys too. To be honest, he and I are the only ones of the morning crew who fall into that bucket. J is just trying to stop himself from falling into disrepair before he either decides to be single again or finally ties the knot. (J looks very good right now but has not really improved over the past few years)

There are changes a-coming at my gym, not all of them good. But I've learned a few things in my drama filled life in the past few years and that's that change is unstoppable, good or bad. If the changes come to pass I will switch gyms, go to private personal training and try very hard not to let a change in routine affect my goals or my life. (It's amazing how much the gym becomes a part of your routine and life)

Friday March 19, 2010

120 lunges yesterday boys! 120! (I'm trying for 160 next week)

Now of course it hurts to walk, sit, stand, bend etc etc. No pain no gain whatever.

The guys and girls at the gym all took today off for some reason. Given the warm weather in this part of the world, I sortof expected to see everyone there trying to get in shape for summer.

The BF gets home tonight thank god, so all I'll be doing is resting and running a few errands.

xoxox

Wednesday March 17th, 2010

So A at the gym doesn't talk much. I don't mind.. he's eye candy. Nice arms, nice chest, skinny legs but I wont hold that against him. He's straight and is engaged to a nice girl, who also goes to the gym. In her defense I think she goes because she wants to fit into a size 2 for her wedding. I have a BF but there's no harm in looking. 

A stopped to talk to me today. It turns out we have a favourite TV show in common. Departures.  I bought a T-shirt from the show and have worn it to the gym. A is going to India for his honeymoon and backpacking across the country. All because of this show. I told him we went to Jordan because of the show as well.

A is not what I thought he was.. on closer inspection his skin is bad and he laughs like a dork. 

So.. 

Just like me. Except with nicer arms.

Illusion shattered.

Thursday March 4th, 2010

The abs by 40 project has been having it's ups and downs. I'm at the gym 5-6 days a week and I'm with my trainer 2 out of those 5-6 days. I'm not afraid of looking like a goof at the gym anymore and for the first time I can see real definition, especially in my arms. 

This morning my workout was legs/shoulders/back and some gun pump'n. All good, all fun but damm my hamstrings are hurting now. Who knew chin ups worked your core? Not me, I can tell you that.

Ralph is still there, I'm more used to the beard but I'm still taken.  Ralph's schedule is the same as mine.. coincidence?? He's wasting his time, shame, all he has to do is ask me. All the usual group of guys and girls are around plus a few newbies and re-occurring newbies.  

I've developed a list of rules/facts for the gym..please feel free to add to them.

1. Flip flops are a must in the shower and in the change-room. You forfeit your hotness without them
2. The steam-room does not make you loose weight. It is also not for wanking at our gym. We don't condone that behavior.
3. Rocking back and forth while lifting may help you lift more, but it wont get you any bigger.
4. Nothing gets rid of a gut like diet and cardio.
5. Hot guys can do anything they want, but those rules don't apply to us mere mortals.
6. Jeans are not appropriate ever. (See rule #5)
7. Gym bags must go in a locker or on top of a locker, not on a bench. I don't care how often you come here.
8. Polo cologne went out of style 30 years ago. Please stop.
9. The cute Italian dad must come to the gym more. He's hot. Really hot.
10. Running for 3 minutes is not cardio.
11. Stretching for your whole workout will not help anything.
12. Shaving your off all of your pubes is not cool. (see rule #5 for exceptions)* J has been granted an exemption by my authority. **Please note shaving your pubes will not make your dick appear bigger, unless you are J, whose dick is massive and needs no smoke and mirrors.
13. Backs must be kept shaved smooth at all times.
14. A towel is required in the locker room at all times. (see rule #5 for exceptions)
15. Grunting is only acceptable in low tones and once every 10 minutes. Any more than that and you are a douche.

Thursday, February 18th, 2010

The mens change room at the gym is being redone and of course everybody has to whine about it.

Let’s go over their complaints:

1)       It’s moving from carpet to tile. Yes, carpet which hides god knows what to easy to bleach tiles. They bitch about this. Why because they wear bare feet in the change room!!.  

2)       The benches have been ripped out temporarily. For a few days, someone will have to put their socks on standing up.

 

That about covers it. My gym is becoming like high school.

 

I swear Ralph is still stalking me.

 

In other news, I fell asleep at 7:45pm last night.

  

Wednesday February 17th, 2010

You have to wonder sometimes what possesses people at the gym to walk around without flip flops on.

Do they get the germs that must be breading on the floor??

 

The gossip at the gym is that a member got kicked out..This never happens at my gym. No one is even spoken too. It turns out he went on some racist rant against one of the nicest guys at the gym and that was that. The sad part is that 40 years ago, he would have been subjected to racist rants.

I missed who it was but I got hints it was the old fart who bounces on the machines so he can lift tones of weight and dresses like a body builder from the 80's.

 

Our roommate is away another night thank god, so we will have peace and no drama. We are currently taking bets on how long she will be with us as she has chosen to give love a second chance.

Don’t you just love hopeless romantics even if they are completely hopeless and can’t see the forest for the trees?

Her book title would be….“Why do these bad things happen to me? I just want someone who looks like a player to love me.”

 

Anyways…

 

Wednesday February 10th, 2010

There are people in this world who love winter and people who don't. There are people who put up with it for a set number of years and then all of the sudden just decide to chuck it all and live in paradise, where they may have less money but wont get the chill of an early morning damp snow. I wonder when my expiry date is. When will I have had enough? 39? 40? 50?

Getting to the gym this morning was a pain in the ass. It was snowy, it was cold and the workout was way tougher than it needed it to be. My new stalker was there too, beard and all. (I don't think he's stalking me, it just makes me feel attractive and it's only been 2 days) Let's call him Ralph. Ralph has a nice grey hoody that I like but don't really need. Ralph has nice legs. Ok I'm already sick of Ralph.

The diet is not what it should be but I've essentially given up McDonalds now.

I'm taking a little weekend getaway that may be the last getaway for a while now as money gets tight. I may have to turn up the heat at home and pretend it's Hawaii.

 

Tuesday February 9th, 2010

I'm exausted but had a fantastic workout this morning trying to get the guns a little bigger. Work has been very hectic, hence the lack of any substantial posting.

I will tell you that some guy was checking me out in the gym today. Sorry bud I'm taken and PS, I hate beards.

Wednesday December 30th, 2009

36 hours until I'm in the air and 1 more sleep.

I worked really hard at the gym today, 30 minutes on the big E machine, 360 odd calories later and I was off to the shower to get ready for another day of work. J and I are talking about vacations. I tell him BF and I are heading to SA, he and his GF are heading to Cuba on the 3rd. I told him to get out of the all-inclusive rut. I did mention Hawaii but said he may have to get his GF a ring first.

A was at the gym too.. quiet as usual and didnt stick around long, maybe 20 minutes. On my way out, grumpy old dude pushed his way into the change room to pick up his keys that he forgot. It was like he thought we were going to steal his lame truck. J has his own truck and I have my nice SUV. Both newer and nicer than the old dude with the soul patch has ever had.

Old dude used to wear crocs to workout in.

Crocs.

He was spoken to.

Now he wears running shoes.

(In the dudes defence, J wears flip flops to work out in)

I want this shirt...and the abs to go with it. And the tan, even though I know it's bad for me.

Tomorrow I have a plan..gym, oil change, hair, tan last minute packing..limo.

Tuesday December 29, 2009

I have a whole bunch of things to wrap up so hold on.

I have 60 hours until I'm in the air to London. Then Dubai, then Capetown. Thats YYZ-LHR-DXB-CPT for all of you in the know. I leave on the 31st, get there on Jan 2nd. In economy. The whole way. Fuck. Please Emirates, if you are reading this, please bump me up to business class on at least one leg. I promise I'll be good this year. I am silver tier soon to be gold tier.

I'm confused..why do guys insist on wearing thier short/pants below thier undies so you can see the waist band? Very rarely do I find it sexy. I'm mean, do you really think I care that you wear Hanes that are too big for you because you are so skinny? Do you think those baggy boxers make you look sexy? Unless you are ripped, I could care less. And what is it about the underwear that goes to your knees?

I find basketball shorts and muscle tops at the gym very sexy. Only if you have good arms..ONLY.

This is a perfect example of GOOD..

My Wii remote is fucked up. I tried replacing the batteries and resetting but no luck. I'll try again tonight and if not just buy a new one. I'm pissed and panic'd all at the same time.

Lulu Lemon shorts make my ass look good when it doesnt really. I cant imagine how the gods of the gym would look in these shorts.

I have to pack, get my hair cut, do laundry, hit the drugstore, figure out what books need to be taken, take care of my dry cleaning, turn off the water, remember to pack a pair of running shoes, work out 2 more times at least, visit my folks, sleep, eat and breathe!

Monday December 28th, 2009

I'm at the gym yesterday..Spin class is due to start up.

I start looking at the guys in the class as I wrap up my 45 min workout. They are all fat..all of them!. I went to spin class twice a few years ago with the bf. The same guys are in the class. A few years later and a few years overweight. Nothing has changed. I also think all of these guys have some sort of lycra fettish. They all like the gear. Sad it looks like shit on them.

BTW- It was legs/back/abs and a bit of arms day. My ass is sore.

Congrats to Joe McElderry who got his New Years #1 in the UK. He's so damm cute.